Wednesday, October 8, 2008

stream of conciousness

Man I'm tired.
Again, adulthood is not all it's cracked up to be.
Exhausted, I turn to blogging.
Here I come to lament my days.
I've gone hoarse from speaking too much.
I don't think I could ever be a teacher.
Teachers talk all day long.
This is me dozing off after hours at work.

I found this "draft" all the way from Nov. 07...
I'm not sure if this is a common occurrence amongst my friends, family or humanity, but even when things are good, I can easily be brought down.
I learned long ago I personally need to be proactive when it comes to social engagements and friendships. Life in general. I can hope for the best or assume things will work out in my favor.
But it seems lately, things will never be "just right."
Perhaps I'm too sensitive?
Should I hold on to this bitterness and leave it be? Perhaps ignoring my hurt feelings is best just to avoid drama.
Should I confront those who afflict me? Try my best to have them understand me and hope they change to accommodate me?
Should I be "pro active" and just try harder to be a better friend and hope they acknowledge me on their own?
Obviously I'm writing out of hurt and stream of consciousness, but I want to enjoy life and no longer have these feelings.

Honestly, I have no recollection of what I was rambling about, but it's pretty deep right?
Maybe I can score an emo chick and be complete.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Returning Home

I'm stuck in the Heathrow Airport waiting for our new flight. I have 10 mins left on this wifi subscription.
We missed our flight to come home. Apparently you need to be at the airport 3 hours ahead of time. We were only an hour early. My frustration might not be coming through, but trust me, it's present. 8 mins left.
I had a pretty good trip here. It wasn't the most relaxing, but it was a good break from work and the stress/chaos/anxiety of life. I'm stoked to be returning home, but I also dread it.
I hope to be slightly refreshed, and to have a better attitude about life. Over the past 2 months, I learned some stuff about myself. Perhaps I'm relearning some stuff too. This whole "adulthood" thing is a process. 6 mins left.
I went to the end of a CS Lewis Conference and heard Phillip Yancey speak and two other gentlemen. Smart guys. They gave me insight into my struggles.

The wifi network just told me my time is almost up. 3 mins left.
So I'll leave you with this photo of documentation that I haven't been hiding in my bedroom this past week, but was actually in a distant land.
This is me in the "Tube." Cheerio

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Amazing Love

Just sitting in the living room, listening to a little PEDRO THE LION, and this song came on. It's got to be one of my favorites. It's a hymn that I was familiar with as just a mundane contemporary christian worship song, but in this rendition, it's played with passion and conviction.
You may assume that it's some hardcore tune that is screamed to the heavens, but it's just the opposite. David Bazan (singer/musician/emo-creator) slows down the pace to a lullaby, and sings delicately to God. Bazan does have the reputation of being a sensationalist, critic, liberal and hertic, but things are put in perspective when his voice reverberates the room.
I am weak. I am a failure. I am a hypocrite.
God is in control. God wants me. God died for me.
I am humbled - by the music, the lyrics, the vocals and God himself.
It is the finest song I've used to worship.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Best Week Ever

Last Sunday's elevation service, Brent mentioned Easter week is second only to the week of creation.
I find no qualms with this, except that it may need a qualifier, that this is the best week for mankind.
It probably was a pretty tough week for Jesus.
He had the foreknowledge that one of his 12 would betray him.
He was aware of his impending doom and sacrifice.
He knew that still to this day, much of humanity would not acknowledge him as the one true God.

Not to be heretical, but I don't know what i would do in these circumstances if i was Jesus.

I always remember a song by the band Dogwood when I reflect on Easter and the Passion.

"Do or Die"

I killed the Son of God today.
I built the cross where He was slain.
My sins,
The hands that held the hammer that
drove the nails through His skin.
Someday I win.
I want to make it up.
I want to die to myself for You.
It makes me fall apart,
When I think of all that You went through.
I owe my all to You. (I owe my all to You)

Because when it came to do or die.
You died for me,
Though I would be nothing perfect,
For human eyes to see.

My hands are Yours for works.
My eyes will seek until I've found You.
My legs will walk the earth,
Until You tell me my work is through.
I want to make it up,
I want to die to myself for You,
You are the one that I love,
I owe my all to you. (I owe my all to you)


I met the Son of God today,
He said "I forgive you for My pain",
He took my sin that held the hammer
that drove the nails through His skin,
He said I win.


I'm a new creation through You,
Created for You by You.
So make me worth Your while,
Put me to use.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Hey, Remember Me?

It's been a while.
Let's start off slow.
Here's a few jokes...

How did Hitler tie his shoes?
With little nazis.

Have you heard the jump rope joke?
Eh, skip it.

On a scale of 1-10,
how old was Michael Jackson's boyfriend?

thanks, I'll be here all week.